[Dictation] How to stop being unconfident?

💡 英语听读练习《如何停止不自信？ - by Better Ideas》。

推书《The Comfort Crisis》by Michael Easter。If you ever feel like you’re super lazy, and you’re just like complacent in life, you’re too comfortable, you’re stuck in a rut, read this book. It’ll kick you out of that rut.

It’s no secret that we spend a lot of time and effort trying to appear confident on the surface when we’re around other people. Because we kind of have no choice. People are extremely judgemental whether they’re aware of it or not. Sizing people up is an evolutionary mechanism.

当我们与其他人相处时会花大量时间和努力来试图让我们表现的自信。因为我们似乎别无选择。不管人们是否意识到，他们都是非常擅长评头论足。对他人进行估量是一个进化机制。

When we appear confident and self-assured, people subconsciously place us higher on their social hierarchy. This is why it matters how you dress, the strength behind your voice, and your posture when you enter a room. All of these things contribute tremendously to how people end up treating you. But the weird thing is so many of us feel a huge disconnect between the person that we’re trying to appear in the world as and who we actually are as a person. Because no matter how meticulously we groom ourselves, or how obsessively we keep up with the latest trends, or how quip-y and clever our manner of speech is, the whole thing ends up feeling like a giant facade. Like we’re just putting this show on, we’re not actually confident, we’re slapping makeup on a pig.

当我们表现出自发的自信时，人们会在潜意识中将我们放在更高的社交阶层上。这就是为何你的着装、你的声音都力量和你进入一个房间的姿态的重要所在。所有这些事情都极大地影响了人们如何对待你的方式。但奇怪的是，我们中的大部分人都觉得，我们想要表现出来的人格和我们实际的人格之间存在巨大的脱节。因为无论我们如何精心包装自己，无论我们如何痴迷于紧跟最新的潮流，无论我们的谈吐多么风趣聪明，最终这一切都像是一个巨大的假象。就好像我们一直在演戏，实际上没有自信，也只能打肿脸充胖子。

📒 tremendously: B2, to a very great amount or level, or extremely well; extremely, very much; 非常地，可怕地，惊人地。

📒 meticulously: if you describe someone as meticulous, you mean that they do things carefully and with a great attention to detail; in a way that shows great care and attention to detail; 细致地，一丝不苟地。

📒 groom: to prepare someone for a special job or activity; 使准备。

📒 facade: a facade is an outward appearance which is deliberately false and gives you a wrong impression about someone or something; 假象。

And this is the problem because the more you strain to act like a confident person in the real world, people don’t really buy it, they can tell that it’s forced. Fake smiles are really easy to spot. I think the reason why so many of us don’t feel confident and rock solid is because we’re forgetting a concept that is fundamental the way our psychology works, and that is that while we all indeed very efficient at judging other people and sizing them up, our brain uses the exact same mechanism to judge ourselves.

这是问题所在，当你越努力让自己在现实世界表现的像一个自信的人，人们就越不买账，他们能发现你是装的。假笑是非常容易被看穿的。我觉得我们中大部分人感到不自信或不踏实，是因为我们忘记了一个概念，这个概念就是我们心理学运作的基础，就是我们所有人确实都非常擅长于指责和评估他人，所以我们的大脑也会用相同的机制来指责我们自己。

We are a fly on a wall of our own lives, constantly judging the things we say, the thoughts we entertain, and the habits we indulge in, and this constant observation happen without our conscious knowledge, because it’s the subconscious knowledge. And the subconscious of ours is always watching us, taking notes, comparing our lifestyle to our value system, and the longer time goes on, the more evidences our subconscious gathers to form a opinion about ourselves, just like it would with other people. So the more and more time we live in contradiction to our value system, the lower our opinion will be of ourselves. So if we happen to have a very low opinion of ourselves, we have very low self-esteem, low self-confidence, low self-efficacy. Then there’s a very good chance that your subconscious has observed you live your life in a way that is contradictory to your fundamental value system.

我们就像是自己生活的观察者，持续的评判我们说出口的话、评判我们的想法、评判我们的习惯，这种持续的观察不被我们的意识所知晓，因为其发生在潜意识之中。我们的潜意识一直在看着我们，记着笔记，将我们的生活方式和我们的价值观做对比，这个过程越久，我们的潜意识就会收集到越多的证据来形成一个关于我们自己的评价，就像我们对其他人的评价一样。所以我们在一个与我们价值观系统相矛盾的状态下越久，我们的自我评价就会越低。一旦我们的自我评价变得很差，我们的自尊会变低，我们的自信会变差，我们的自我效能会缺失。然后，你的潜意识就有了一个好机会观察到你的生活状态和你的价值观系统存在冲突。

📒 a fly on the wall: if you say that you would like to be a fly on a wall in a situation that does not involve you, you mean that you would like to see or hear what happens in that situation; an unnoticed observer of a particular situation; 墙上的一只苍蝇，隐喻隐蔽的观察者。

📒 indulge: if you indulge in something or if you indulge yourself, you allow yourself to have or do something that you know you will enjoy; 沉溺，使沉溺.

And this is kind of what affirmation culture gets wrong, you know, it sounds all well and good, and helpful to look yourself in the mirror, and say you are powerful, and you are strong, you are good looking, you attract wealth, you attract women, you attract men, you attract everyone.

这也是肯定文化出问题的地方，它听上去非常美好，帮助你看着镜子中的自己说，你很强大，你很强壮，你很好看，你吸引财富，你吸引女人，你吸引男人，你吸引所有人。

But the truth is your subconscious is harder to fool. If you look yourself in the mirror, and say one thing, and behave the opposite way, your subconscious isn’t fooled. It watched you do that, it’ll say, wow, this guy never does what he says he’s gonna do, I’m gonna use this information to develop self-doubt complex, that will leak in every area of his life, and his interactions with others, especially women. And that’s the insidious thing about our subconscious.

但是真相是，你的潜意识很难被愚弄。如果你看着镜子中的自己说一件事，实际上却做另一件事，你的潜意识不会被愚弄。它会看着你的行为，然后说，哇这个人真是从来不会做他声明要做的，我要用这个信息来造成自我怀疑的情结，让自我怀疑渗入他生活的方方面面，渗入到他和其他人的互动里面，特别是和女人的。这就是潜意识的阴险狡诈之处。

📒 insidious: something that is insidious is unpleasant or dangerous and develops gradually without being noticed; 潜伏，狡猾，阴险。

It influences our mood, our mindset, and our overall mental state far more than we probably realize. And that because our subconscious accounts for over 90% of our overall mental function. So how we conduct ourselves in its presence is everything.

潜意识对我们的情绪，我们的思想以及我们的整体的精神状态的影响远比我们意识到的要大。这是因为我们的潜意识占据了我们整个大脑功能的 90% 以上。所以我们在潜意识前面如何表现自己才是最重要的。

📒 account for: if a particular thing accounts for a part or proportion of something, that part or proportion consists of that thing, or is used or produced by it; 占据。

So needless to say, the key to confidence in life, the key to feeling self-assured is not to double down and care more about other people think of you, is to take more seriously this relationship that you have with your own subconscious, and to realize that you can form a partnership and a friendship with your subconscious.

无须多言，在生活中自发自信的关键在于不要去过分的关注其他人如何看你，而是更加严肃的的对待你与潜意识之间的关系，意识到你可以与潜意识形成一个伙伴关系或友谊。

And I know that sounds super woo-woo, and spiritual and you like what the fuck this guy talking about, but if you like this idea of forming a better relationship with your own subconscious, then the great way to do that is to develop that relationship like you would any other relationship: by spending time to get to know the other person, you need to spend time to get to know yourself, to uncover what your fundamental value system is, so that you can better live in accordance to that, so take some time to ask yourself some key questions, you know, take out a pen and paper, and ask yourself,

• “What kind of person do I want to be in this world?”
• “How can I live my life in a way that I would be proud of?”
• “What kind of habits does my ideal self have?”
• “And if I was my ideal self, how would I interact with the people around me?”
• “How would I spend my time when nobody is around?”
• “Does my ideal self make mistakes sometimes?”
• “If so…how would my ideal self respond to the mistakes I made?”
• “Would I learn from them and encourage myself to do better?”

我知道这听上去不太科学，有点神经质，你或许在想这家伙在说什么鬼，但如果你喜欢与自己的潜意识形成良好关系的想法，最好的方法就是和你想跟其他人发展这种关系一样：你和对方一起度过更多的时间来让你们相互了解，你也需要花更多的时间来了解你自己，来揭露你的基本价值观是怎样的，这样你就可以更加与其一致了，花点时间来问问你自己一些关键的问题，拿出纸和笔，开始问你自己：

• “我想在这个世界上成为怎么样的一个人？”
• “我如何才能活的自豪？”
• “我的理想状态下应该有怎么样的习惯？”
• “如果我现在就是理想的状态，我该如何与我身边的人互动？”
• “我身边没有其他人时该怎么样度过？”
• “我的理想状态下也会偶尔犯错吗？”
• “如果是的，我的理想状态会如何面对我犯的错误？”
• “我会从中学到什么，鼓励自己做的更好吗？”

Your answers to these types of questions will help you uncover truths that you hold about yourself, and the standards that you’re trying to uphold yourself to. Because wether you’re aware of these ideals consciously or not, they’re there in your subconscious, and your subconscious is constantly comparing your behavior to these ideals. So it’s super important to take some time, to try to figure out what constitutes a good and honorable person according to you.

你对这些问题的回答可以帮助你揭露你对自己的真实期望，你希望认可自己的标准。因为无论你是否意识到，这些理想在你的潜意识中持续的对比你的行为是否符合他们。所以花点时间，来弄清楚在你看来，什么样的人是好人，是光荣的人是非常重要的。

And chances are there’s a lot truth to these underlying beliefs, and sometimes these beliefs are a litter skewed and they need correcting, and you need to form healthier values and healthier expectations of yourself.

然后机会来了，你会发现大量的潜在的信念，有时这些信念是有些扭曲的，你需要矫正它们，来形成一个对自己的健康的价值观和健康的期待。

So a great way to do this, is to go through the whole process of writing this stuff down, and diving deep by yourself, and then taking that information to a friend or a 3rd party preferably a therapist or a mental health professional and try to figure out wether or not this value system is actually useful for you. You know, are you holding yourself to unrealistic expectations? or are these healthy and good ideals to have? Because either way, there is no getting around the fact that if you want to develop a better opinion about yourself, your behaviors and your values need to match, and in order for that to happen, either your behaviors need to change, or your values need to change.

最好的方法就是通过写下这些问题并且深入的与自己探讨，然后拿着这些信息给一个朋友，或者第三方，最好是一个治疗师或者心理健康专家，来尝试弄清楚这个价值观系统是否对你有用。你是否对自己有不现实的期待？或者你的理想是否是健康的、是否是好的？因为无论怎样，如果你想对自己有一个好评价，你就无法绕开这些，你的行为和价值观需要匹配，为此要不你需要改变你的行为，要不就改变你的价值观。

As you go through this process, you’re probably realize that you’re on your own side more than you probably realize. And when you conscious mind and your subconscious mind is on the same page, you’ll find that there’s certain uniformity to a character. You don’t say one thing and do another, you don’t act one way in public and then act another way in private. You’ll be a more consistent human being, with a more authentic identity you’ll feel like yourself. You’ll feel like you’re more you, and that’s a really intangible thing to try to relay to you, but it is a very real feeling, and that feeling is what confidence feels like. It’s to be unapologetically you in the presence of others, while you’re alone, it just doesn’t really matter, you’re you no matter the circumstances.

在你完成的过程中，你会意识到你远比想象的更加偏袒自己。当你的表意识和潜意识达成共识，你会发现你的人格统一了。你不再心口不一，你不再表面一套背后一套。你会成为一个稳定的人，拥有一个更加真实的身份，你会变的更像自己。你会感觉自己在做自己，这是一种是土传递给你的无限之物，但是一种非常真实的感受，这就是自信的感受。在别人的面前正大光明的做你自己，就算你孤身一人，你就是你，无论环境如何。

📒 unapologetically: without being sorry about having caused someone problems or unhappiness, even though people might expect you to be sorry; 正大光明的，无辩解的，无歉意的。

And I really hope that this video gives you some ideas as to how you can get there in your life.

希望这个视频能带给你一些想法让你在生活中停止不自信。